I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
