I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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