Already got asked if we're dating
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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