Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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