You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
