My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
