Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
