I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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