you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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