Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
