How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I puked a lego.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The Olympian is in my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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