Yo dont text me then not text me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
