i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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