Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
