Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
