8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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