i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
