coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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