i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina is officially offended.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
