i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Terrible idea I love it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
