you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
