she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
