Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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