umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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