FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize