yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
