I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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