how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
