Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And my parents said I crawled through the house
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
