in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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