Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
