I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
