God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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