Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
