I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
