please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we're so committed to being not committed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
