i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
