If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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