Too much gin, very little bucket
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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