not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
