dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
