After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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