i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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