life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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