the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
