In the future we'll all be gay
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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