I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
