If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
