Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
