its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am midnight drunk by noon
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
