At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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