Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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