i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
