They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
