Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she smelled like a LAN party
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
