It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
