I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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