We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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