no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
