You really coming over, don't trick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize