she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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