Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
