If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize