thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
