forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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