I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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