ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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