brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
