I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
